I Need You Estelle

September has always been a hard month for me. It's no secrete that the love of my life died this month 11 years ago. Yet, it seems like this year it's really hitting me. After 11 long years of living I finally realize, my grandmother is gone and she is never coming back! It seems surreal and I don’t understand why. I've cried, went to the funeral, seen her get buried yet, it hasn’t sunk in. What am I to do? I sit here and look for her. I look at my phone and think what if I could call my grandmother right now. She probably would curse me out! I been doing somethings I know she wouldn’t approve of. Yet, she never scorned me or judged me she would give her two cents then show me what to do to get better. That’s why I miss her! I have yet to find someone as real as Estelle Lewis. In one hand was her gun, in the next, her box cutter and she dared you to try her. When she died I think half of me did too. I sit here and feel so confused about everything life has to offer. I want to cry but I can't. Tears wont form in my eyes. my heart beats fast. If I could see you one last time for one hour it would be enough. I wonder if God grants wishes. If I had 3wishes I would only use one and it would be to bring my grandmother back to me. And this is why I think I am a writer.